Sorry kids...

I just did a ten day stint in the hospital. Needless to say had I not had a running supply of dilotted I would have gone nuts, what with mostly hideous looking nurses and shitty TV.

I was inspired by my stay to construct a list of things I’d rather endure than staying in the hospital.

I’d rather circumcise myself with a chainsaw than stay in the hospital.

I’d rather receive an enema of molten lead.

I’d rather eat out a Bassett hound.

I’d rather spend ten years in a Turkish prison.

I’d rather masturbate with a cheese grater.

I’d rather discuss literature with Anna Nicole Smith.

I’d rather pound nails with my forehead.

I’d rather lick the floor of a movie theater.

I’d rather cut my pubic hair with torch.

I’d rather visit a proctologist named Dr. Hook.