Man, just when you thought the Tanya & Nancy saga was the most bizarre sports story ever...
At my alma mater where I got my undergrad degree the football team is embroiled in controversy. Seems the backup punter is accused of assaulting and stabbing the starting punter in his leg...the kicking leg...the leg that got him a scholarship. The bench warmer, who's been been booted from his dorm room and has no Greeley address, is now out on $30,000 bond and faces serious criminal charges. There's no time frame on the return of the starting punter.
HE'S A FREAKIN' KICKER, TRYING TO ICE ANOTHER KICKER!
Let me repeat...
HE'S A PUNTER, TRYING TO SIDELINE ANOTHER PUNTER!
For the love of Ray Guy and everything holy, WTF!
The University of Northern Colorado is a Div. IAA, they're not even on television. What's mystifying is how the backup couldn't win the job, the starter is averaging a paltry 37.6 yards a punt.
Trust me when I say there is very little incentive to stay in Greeley, Colorado. It's in the middle of hail alley, the swath of land tha is home to the most frequent and violent hail storms on Earth. It stands adjacent to a ConAgra meat packing plant, a plant that was at one point the largest such facility in the world, and let me tell you the stench from the bovine ejectus when the wind is right will bring tears to your eyes, not to mention the fumes from the rending house where they burn off the blood, organ, and tissue waste. At times these odiferous eminations with leave a film on your toungue.
If Colorado was given an enema the hose would go in Greeley.
This is the setting of a sordid melodrama that would make the ancient Greeks issue a collective, "Huh?"
A punter at a Div. IAA school that rarely plays on TV bumping off the starting punter who can only kick 37 yards at a time in a town that is a cultural and scholastic black hole.
Wrap your minds around this...I dare you.
