Deep thoughts

Ladies and gentlemen, in an effort to expand minds and plant seeds of wisdom in the fertile ground of America’s consciousness I bring you a new daily feature featuring pearls of wisdom from around the world.

And now…deep thoughts

Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.
-- Batman Costume warning label

Well, I used to look like this when I was young and now I still do.
-- Yogi Berra, baseball catcher, manager

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. -- Yogi Berra, baseball catcher, manager

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them.
-- George Bush, US President

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win.
-- Doug Collins, basketball commentator

Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.
-- Duffy Daugherty , football coach and sports analyst

Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games.
-- David Garcia, baseball team manager

Here lies Jan Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble Cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of this same style are two hundred and fifty dollars.
-- Gravestone Inscription

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?
-- Lee Iacocca

Passive activity income does not include the following: Income for an activity that is not a passive activity.
-- IRS form 8583, Passive Activity Loss Limitation

You will find it a distinct help if you know and look as if you know what you are doing.
-- IRS Training Manual for tax auditors

Please provide the date of your death.
-- from an IRS letter

The people don't take baths and they don't speak English. No golf courses, no room service. Who needs it?
-- Jim McMahon, NFL football quarterback, on Europe

All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath.
-- David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation

I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version.
-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?
-- Reverand William Spooner, of Oxford, England (for whom the 'Spoonerism' is named)

We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally.
-- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

I'm the consul for information, but I don't have any information.
-- Ofra Ben Yaacoe, Israeli Consul, Chicago